


I Am Not Yours To Lose

by bslayer241



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gotham, Other, gotham season 5, save gotham
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 03:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18357962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bslayer241/pseuds/bslayer241
Summary: SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 5x11 OF GOTHAMAfter Bane broke Alfred's back and Nyssa Al Ghul launched Special Order 386, Gotham was bombed by the army and became an more savage place. Jim Gordon went after his old friend Eduardo Dorrence, now Bane. He found out his location and was able to severely hurt him, and has gone AWOL ever since. Bruce and Selina, who were watching over an unconscious Alfred, decided to go after Bane to take him down.





	I Am Not Yours To Lose

This was wrong.

Bruce shook his head as he climbed the ladder onto the rooftop, trying to make that negative thought disappear from his conscience. Things he would rather be thoughts at the back of his head but somehow he was addicted to hurting. He was always drawn to danger and this time was no exception. Bane was the most fearsome enemy Gotham had ever faced so he knew the risks of the mission. Just like he knew he could never do it on his own. That’s why he needed her.

_“We both know you always need me Bruce”._

The boy smiled, stepping over the edge of the rooftop and took a moment to catch his breath, enjoying the sight of Selina running in front of him. That was exactly the kind of answer she would have given him. And even if he never admitted it, she was right. Being in her presence was the only way he could relax and feel some sort of peace. Selina was his beacon of light. She made him stronger and gave him a reason to stay in the hell that ensued the destruction of the bridges by Jeremiah. She gave him a reason to fight. A purpose. She and Alfred were his strength.

But strength can become a weakness. In this case, a deadly weakness.

Learning that Alfred was beaten up by Bane was a lot to take in for Bruce. The butler hadn’t regain consciousness and his condition was worrisome. Broken ribs, fractured bones, severe damage to the vertebras, collapsed organs… If Selina hadn’t brought him to the clinic so quickly, he would surely be dead. Bruce closed his eyes to gather the memories of that night. He and Selina had spent interminable hours waiting, having nothing to do but worrying to death for Alfred. The young woman had tried to remain impassible but Bruce knew it affected her at least as deeply as it did him. He had seen it in her eyes when they decided to go after Bane. They were filled with rage. Untamable, wild and raw.

He could still see it now in the way she was moving. Her aggressiveness was burning up as they were getting closer to Bane’s lair. And so was his fear.

-‘Selina, wait!’

She turned around to face him, visibly impatient.

-‘What, Bruce?’

-‘We should come up with a plan, we don’t wanna go in headfirst and unprepared.’

-‘The plan is simple: we enter the building, we kill the son of a bitch and we get out.’

-‘You know that’s not gonna be enough, you already faced him…’

-‘Yeah but this time he is injured, we have the surprise element and we know he’s alone! If we wait, it will be too late to even stand a chance at taking him down!’ Selina paused to calm herself down, trying to understand. ‘I don’t get it, Bruce, you are the one who wanted to do this.’

-‘I know, but… Selina I have doubts. Something feels wrong. And…’ He took a step toward her and looked her in the eyes, deeply. ‘I don’t want to lose you too. I don’t know what I’ll do if you get hurt.’

-‘I already told you, I’m not yours to lose.’

-‘It’s easy for you to say, he replied. ‘What would you do if you were me? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t be scared!’

-‘Of course I’d be scared, I care about you!’ Bruce froze. Selina wasn’t one to openly talk about her emotions, her expressing them at this precise moment meant a lot. Maybe she realized it too because she looked away and sighed. Her jaw clenched before she spoke again. ‘Look I get that you’re worried about me but it’s not just about us, Bruce. It’s about everyone else we care about, everyone else you care about. Gotham, the GCPD, Alfred… Remember you’re also doing this for them.’

Bruce took a deep breath. Part of him knew she was right, the negative part was still screaming at him to take her away from here as fast as he could. But he wouldn’t be himself if he ran like a coward. Not after all the horrible things Bane did.

-‘There’s really nothing I can say that will change your mind about this, is it?’

Selina raised her eyebrows, as if she was hesitating then shook her head. ‘No, she smiled. Bruce smiled back. They were so close to each other he could see the details of her pupils. They were dilated. He leaned towards her while she closed her eyes.

Suddenly, a window exploded just above them through which a massive shape flew right to the ground and landed a couple meters behind them. The shadow stood up, slowly, his face still hidden in the shadows, two hideous burning eyes holding a promise of destruction.

-‘Bruce Wayne.’ Bane’s deep voice echoed in the distance between them. ‘Your time has come to suffer.’

-‘Speak for yourself asshole.’

Selina lashed her whip, too quickly for the human eye to track. Bane didn’t flinch, he simply raised a hand to palp the cut on his face. It didn’t seem to affect him. In fact, it reinvigorated him. He started walking towards them, with the assurance of a predator who knows his prey is trapped. Selina used her whip again to keep him at distance but Bane caught it midair and didn’t let it go. He pulled it so hard that the young woman had to drop it, and then kept walking. Bruce grabbed the knives at his waist and threw them at him but Bane’s suit was too resistant to be pierced by throwing knives. The man was now running towards them, getting closer very quickly.

Bruce and Selina knew they couldn’t avoid a direct fight anymore, so they started running as well. They attacked him together, Selina on the left side Bruce on the right one. However Bane was faster than he looked and avoided most of their blows. Plus he appeared very insensitive to pain, which forced Bruce and Selina to be more aggressive. Their only advantage was that the both of them were too fast for him to retaliate yet. After Bane bent down to avoid Bruce’s right leg kick, Selina took advantage and hit him in the face, then Bruce kicked him in the legs, forcing him to kneel. The boy was about to attack him from behind but Bane flipped him over and pushed him against Selina. They both regained balance right on time to dodge Bane’s fist that cracked the wall behind them. Then Selina stroke him in the back and knocked his face against the wall. Bane seized her hair to protect himself and knocked in the head. Bruce went in to help her but Bane saw it coming and executed a turning kick that violently projected him away against a car. The boy winced at the impact. His head was spinning a little but he could still hear Selina and Bane fighting in the distance. Ignoring the pain, he clenched his jaw and managed to stand on his two feet when he noticed something was wrong. It took him a second to find out what it was. The silence. He didn’t hear anything at all.

Bruce raised his head and his heart stopped. Selina was standing in front of him. Bane was behind her.

And he was choking her.

Her nose was bleeding from the blow Bane inflicted to her and his arm around her neck was giving her trouble to breathe. Bruce got up, staring at her. His entire focus was directed on Selina. She was so close to danger. So close to death.

-‘I see I now have your whole attention, Bruce.’

-‘Let her go, Bruce yelled. ‘This is between you and me.’

-‘This is between you and every citizen of this cursed city.’ Bane tightened his grip on Selina’s neck, causing the girl to whimper, gasping for air. ‘You made her part of this. No matter the perspective, you’re the one who put her in danger. It is time you face the consequences of your actions.’

Seeing her struggle was killing Bruce but he knew that by the time he’d reach Bane, the monster could kill her. However, since he didn’t have any knife left, getting to her was his only chance. He took a slow step further, trying to reduce the distance between them. Adrenaline was pumping in his veins, his whole being tensed, fearing to make a mistake.

-‘Please, as he took another step, progressing inch by inch towards Selina. There was no more aggressiveness in his voice. ‘Hurt me, not her. I’ll do anything you want… I’m begging you.’

He looked her in the eyes, the same way she was looking in his. They were both terrified. Bane could sense that. His daze went from one to another. He was seemingly hesitating. Bruce waited, shivering, afraid that taking another step would be misinterpreted. Not being able to do anything was a torture. After a very long moment, Bane loosened his grip a little, so that Selina started breathing again. Bruce lowered his shoulders, the tension weighing on them was slowly disappearing.

That’s the moment Bane chose to break her neck.

It lasted no longer than the blink of an eye. At first Bruce thought he had imagined it. She didn’t move an inch and her hair was covering her eyes. Then she started falling. Time had stopped as Bruce watched her tumble. He couldn’t get his eyes off of her fall. Some part of him was hypnotized by it and didn’t want it to end. If she kept falling then maybe he’d wake up from this nightmare and she’d still be there. Suddenly Selina’s body loudly thudded on the ground, her head rolling on the side. When Bruce looked inside her eyes, all he could find was emptiness. She was dead.

She was dead.

Something broke inside of Bruce. A deep fracture. He yelled and jumped on Bane. He punched him in the face once, twice and again and again. Swiftly but violently. His fists were bleeding due to repeatedly hitting the metallic mask but he barely felt it. Bane endured the blows as if they were nothing then kicked Bruce in the chest. Once. The young man coughed, catching his breath then attacked him with his leg. Bane grasped it and head-butted him. The boy stepped back, feeling light headed. He threw another punch but his moves were slower, weaker. His opponent dodged it and beat him in the head twice, knee-kicked him in the stomach then hit him hard on his back. Bruce kneeled down in pain but a massive hand grabbed his neck and lifted him up until his toes couldn’t touch the ground. Bane brought Bruce’s face closer to his as he kept choking him. They stared at each other for a second, before Bane tossed him away with unhuman strength.

The fall was really hard. Bruce rolled over on a few meters, his skin burned by the tar at every impact until he landed on his stomach. Exhausted, the boy weakly tried to pull his strength back together to stand up. Suddenly Bane was just above him. He grabbed the boy’s right hand, twisted it behind his back and kneeled on top of him. In a desperate attempt, Bruce threw his left elbow behind, Bane just blocked it with his left hand. He then lifted his hand to the boy’s shoulder and dislocated it. Bruce screamed, his mouth opened against the ground. Bane put his weight on him to ensure his position and firmly gripped Bruce’s wounded shoulder, applying an unhealthy long pressure on it as he kept twisting Bruce’s other arm. The amount of pain the young man was enduring was too much for him. He stopped resisting. Bane was too strong and he was severely hurt. He couldn’t fight anymore. He wouldn’t. What was the point? Gotham was destroyed, Jim was probably dead, Alfred was in coma and Selina… Selina… He had nothing left. Nothing to fight for. At this point, he just wanted it to be over. At least he wouldn’t feel anything. He gave in, put his forehead against the ground, waiting for Bane to end him. He could hear the whirring sounds of his mechanical suit as he slowly bent on him, whispering into his ear.

-‘Now, I want you to watch- Bane clutched Bruce’s hair violently and forced him to raise his head. ‘Watch.’ He pointed Bruce’s head in the direction of Selina’s inanimate body. ‘I want you to focus on how it feels… Knowing this is all your fault… All of this happened because of you.’

Bruce looked at Selina’s eyes. Faced her being dead. Because of him. Now that he wasn’t focused on fighting, her death was hitting his conscience harder, shattering it. He couldn’t bear seeing her face, knowing she was gone. Knowing it was because he exposed her. Tears rolled on his cheeks and pain grew more intense. His brain replayed the moment. The cracking sound of her neck. The silent fall. The noise her body made hitting the ground. It kept resonating in his head. He wanted it to stop, he wanted to look away but he couldn’t. Bane was holding him too tight. From where he was, he could see the details of her face and the blood that dripped from her nose.

_‘I’m not yours to lose.’_

The cracking noise echoed again. Bruce whimpered, crying his eyes out. He was losing it. When he did before, the one person that could bring him back was Selina. When he thought Alfred was dead, she was able to reach him. Now she was gone and it was destroying him. He sobbed, praying for the pain to stop. But it never stopped.

_‘No, Bruce!’_

Selina… He could hear her voice. Or was he hallucinating? She was still lying in front of him. Still dead.

_‘Breathe, look at me!’_

He stopped breathing. This was what she told him when he was under Scarecrow’s fear gas. It felt so real. Like she was still here with him. Like she was still protecting him.

_‘You are only seeing what he wants you to.’_

Bruce stopped crying. He realized that lying there, agonizing, waiting for the pain to stop was exactly what Bane wanted him to experience. He knew what he had to do. The only way he could control his pain was to give it a purpose. To direct it against Bane. To turn it into rage.

-‘You’re … insane, he said with a voice full of hatred, yet shallow. Pronouncing each word hurt like hell but his rage was keeping him from collapsing. ‘You should… kill me now, or… I will kill you.’

-‘Killing you was never part of the plan. You don’t fear death, Bruce, you welcome it. Ever since your parents died in that alley, you’ve been desiring it. Playing with it… In order to break you, the sentence must be more severe…

-‘You didn’t… break… me.’

Bane held Bruce’s head backwards, arching the young man’s back. Then he brought his face closer to the boy’s cheek.

-‘Should we ask her?’ He pushed harder against Bruce’s back, putting more and more pressure on it, making sure he was still able to see Selina. Bruce moaned because of the strain, while grunting. After what he just went through, he wasn’t afraid of broken bones anymore.

-’You’re right. I haven’t destroyed you. Yet.’ Bane wasn’t pressing on his back anymore but he was still gripping his head. ‘But I did break you, Bruce. We both know physical pain doesn’t matter to you. Watching everything you love fall apart, that is your punishment. Your friends, your ideals, your beloved city… Soon, this will all be over. Walker and I will turn Gotham into ashes, then when it is done, only then you’ll have my permission to die.’

Bane smashed Bruce’s head on the tar, then stood up. He gazed the burning world around him before disappearing into the shadows.

Bruce could feel blood in his mouth and running on his face. His vision was troubled and his head hurt badly. His entire body was hurting him all at once. He didn’t even try to move. Resisting to Bane took everything he had left. He was so tired. So broken. His conscience began to fade away. The last thing he saw before he collapsed was her body. The last thing he could feel was the pain of her loss. It didn’t hurt as much as before, but it was still tearing his heart open, leaving him in agony.

Bruce closed his eyes.


End file.
